


A Guide To Session Classification.

by shadowNova



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fucked up session?, Guide, Replay Value AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-06-14
Packaged: 2017-12-14 22:53:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/842291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowNova/pseuds/shadowNova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So. You've entered your session, and shit's being all weird? Are you looking around, and, oh hey, there's no other players? Or are you just wondering what the hell this session is called? Look no further!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Table of Contents

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GodsGiftToGrinds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodsGiftToGrinds/gifts), [aquaticNecris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquaticNecris/gifts).



 

 

  
**Sburb Session Classification Guide** **  
**by shadowNova

Table of Contents

Preface

**sN, what the hell is this?** **  
**[01] Preface

[02] Acknowledgements

[03] Note From The Author

[04] Introduction To Session Classification

 

 

 

Session Types

**What's what.**

[05] Null Sessions

[06] Void Sessions

[07] Glitched Sessions

[08] Scratched Sessions

[09] Dead Sessions

[10] Doomed Sessions

 

 

 

 


	2. Preface

**PREFACE [01]**

**  
**So, I've noticed that time and time again, I hear tales of players- usually first time players- ending up in sessions that, even for S*B, seem to be broken. Specifically, they're unwinnable. Or supposed to be, at least. (See the section on Doomed Sessions.)) And we all know that this... usually leads to a lot of suckitude. Bad enough to fight your way through this shitty murder-game to the final reward, only to be told OOPS! Gotta lose anyway, kids and fun! So, I thought it might be handy to have a guide on hand so you can, at the very least, identify these sessions. As of this time stamp, the only known way of getting out of one of these sessions is the one we all know- scratching. Unless it's a Doomed session, in which case you just might get lucky and still manage to win. Hopefully, if you end up in one of these sessions, you know how to escape the Scratch. Hopefully.

 

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS [02]**

**  
**First off, the only one of these I've ever encountered personally is the Doomed variety- my first session, in fact. We thought it might also have ben a scratched one, given all the bugs- Sound of Rain, anyone?- but no, it was just Doomed. Therefore, all of the data compiled here is information gathered from other players who were in this type of session. Thus, this is NOT a complete list, and it may not even be fully acurate. You have been warned.

Secondly. Don't expect ascii art, or fancy formatting. I gave up on those ages ago. I suck at them. Again, you have been warned.

Third- Credit for the phrase 'survive and thrive' goes to aquaticNecris.

 

**A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR [03]**

**  
**Heyo, shadowNova here. You probably have seen me around, been in the game for... Shit, four years now, I think? Anyway, you've probably heard my horror stories from my first session- again, Sound of Rain- and seen me get Rangoon from myself. I do that a lot. It's annoying. Right, getting off topic. In case you haven't figured it out by now, I am indeed what you would call an alien. Fur, tail, the whole shebang. (Have I mentioned that it's STILL weird that you don't have tails? Seriously!)

I just want to note, as I said earlier- The ONLY one of these I've ever been in was a Doomed Session, to my great fortune. While I'm glad I haven't had to erase myself from existance yet, this does mean that I have very little first hand evidence here, so I'd advise you to take all of this with a grain of salt. This isn't a guide for surviving these sessions, just for identifying them so you know that you NEED to find a guide to surviving these sessions.

 

**INTRODUCTION INTO SESSION CLASSIFICATION [04]**

**  
**The trick to figuring out what the HELL kinda session the murder-game just threw you into, is to look for the common symptoms. Things like, say, lacking a Time or a Space player. Or missing planets. It's pretty simple in theory- but first time players, whom this guide is mainly directed at, since they're the ones most likely to run into these, aren't going to be able to figure it out on their own. Hence, this guide. If they're like I was, they'll be frantically searching for FAQ's and such once they realize this is a MURDER GAME. If they're not, they'll get to it eventually.


	3. Session Types

 

 

**NULL SESSIONS [05]**

A null session is the most basic of what I'm going to call Broken Sessions. This applies to the Glitched Sessions, and the Void sessions, but those don't neccesarily apply to it- kinda like how a square is always a rectangle, but a rectangle isn't always a square.

The features that seperate this from an ordinary Sburb session, apart from it being unwinable, obviously, and the features of Glitched and Void sessions, include rampaging J-Noirs ('Sup clown buddy?), missing Time/Space players- if they didn't even generate, shit man, sucks to be you, but usually, they just died, a presence of a 'Tumor', and in severe cases, lack of a forge.

  
Null sessions are terminably unwinnable. If your session is simply glitched all to hell and everything is going to shit but there's still a 0.0000001% chance of success, see Doomed Sessions.

 

 

 

 

**VOID SESSION [06]**

Void sessions are, by far, the easiest to spot. SImply put, nothing was prototyped preentry. Nothing. Generally caused by that asshole who shits green energy being a total dick. There'll never be a Reckoning, underlings are skeletal and drop shitty loot, ect. ect. Basically, it's shitty and boring, but REALLY easy to spot.

 

 

 

 

**GLITCHED SESSIONS [07]**

Okay, so, I'm not even sure this is even a THING. Okay, so, supposedly, there's this guy out there in Paradox Space, who won a Dead Session. And supposedly, he inserts one of his agents into the system of the session, to make it mess up worse than usual- allowing him to find it. And destroy it. The only descriptor I've managed to get out of anyone about this is that 'the fuckups are more complete and total then can reasonably be explained, as if SOMEONE is deliberatly pulling the strings. And white text guy with no chumhandle, who isn't a player." Anyone hail from one of these, or know someone who does, who can give me some more info?

 

 

 

**SCRATCHED SESSIONS [08]**

These aren't actually Broken Sessions, but they ARE a definete classification, so. One of the easiest signs to spot that you're in a scratched session is that you can- and probably will- download the game. But, this may not be the case, so there's other signs to look out for.

A good one is the Debug NPC. He's pretty glitched in normal sessions, but in scratched sessions, he's a little less buggy with each scratch. If you've got enough scratches, he might even be able to talk! How about that.

While that might make you think, oh hey, cool! Let's stack scratches!- this is, in fact, a BAD IDEA. Because with every new scratch, the game get's buggier- like a scratched CD. Which is... Well. Have fun dying.

 

 

**DEAD SESSIONS [09]**

Remember how I said I wasn't sure that Glitched Sesions were a thing? Yeah. Take that uncertainty, multiply times ten. No one I've spoken to has actually ENCOUNTERED someone who hails from a Dead Session- probably because, supposedly, the rules are completely different. Given the amount of data they've given me, though, I'd say this is just a legend.

A Dead Session, supposedly, is a session with only one player. It's -meant- to be unwinnable, and supposedly, if you meet your Denizen, he gives you a choice- something along the lines of 'die and prevent a great evil, live and have ultimate power'- that kinda deal. Supposedly, if you choose Ultimate Power, Skaia get's really heavy and black, then -breaks-, releasing a bunch of planets that look like pool balls. It promptly becomes a black hole. No, I'm not joking. What the fuck. Skaia, you are not supposed to be a black hole.

Right. Back to explaining this supposed session type. It's a -death sentence- for anyone who plays it. You have to move bombs to the surface of the land, on the side facing away from Skaia, so they can explode and push it towards Skaia, skipping planet eight. The time you have to do so gets shorter and shorter, and, oops! If you aren't out of range, into Skaia you go!

...Yeah, I don't think this is real. But I've heard enough about it to feel the need to share the info, incase it really IS real.

 

 

**DOOMED SESSIONS [10]**

Like everything- well, almost everything- else here, Doomed Sessions are inherently broken. They're sessions where the game is actively trying to kill you- instead of passively, like it normally does. Expect to see titles instead of aspects, or aspects instead of titles. Corruption's gonna run rampant, there'll probably be a SD situation, pumpkins WILL be involved- my best bet is that these sessions are what happens when something goes seriously, and truly, wrong in the preinstallation. Unlike other Broken Sessions, though, Doomed Sessions ARE winnable. It's just unlikely.

My first session was a Doomed Session. We... Okay, I've honestly forgotten most of the details- I asked a Heart player to help me supress those memories back in my third session, so I could function. But I remember one thing clearly- we had a Sound of Rain. That was indeed his actual title, even his Denizen adressed him like that. And I don't remember clearly, but I THINK that someone prototyped a pumpkin. Or was it a clown? I don't remember, but I know pumpkins were involved at some point. Basically things were fucked up in every possible way.

That's a Doomed Session. The game actively trying to keep you from winning is very much a thing. And yes, it's completely terrifying.


End file.
